After nearly five years of research and eight months of intense writing, rewriting and editing, I submitted the first draft of Butterfly in the Typewriter to my editor. Now I wait for my editor’s review. This gives me some time to reflect on the book writing process.
When my agent first contacted me I remember restraining some enthusiasm for the project because, as I told him, I did not want him to think I was insanely obsessed with this subject. He calmly replied “Well you have to be obsessed with a subject to write a book about it.” I didn’t realize how true that was at the time. I asked myself frequently why I was doing this– as my wife took on more of the burden at home and I no longer could let myself go in a moment. Even when I ate dinner the book was on my mind. In the last few weeks as my ever-looming deadline neared, food, what I consider one of the great joys in life, became bland.
Of course, I knew why I was writing the book. I felt it needed to be written. I was writing the book that I wanted to read, but couldn’t find, five years ago. This was my guiding principle throughout this endeavor. I continually approached the book as a reader. Of course, other reasons came to light along the way, as I came to know friends and acquaintances of Toole and as I was drawn into the intrigue of the story.
Ever since I started on this project many people have mentioned in passing to me that they too havean idea for a book. And of course I have encouraged them. But before asking about book ideas, my first question would be, why do you think it needs to be written? It seems you need to have a vision of the thing from the beginning…and even then you need to be ready for it to turn out quite different from what you expect.
So several days ago, I hit the “submit” button and sent hundreds of pages of writing and research into digital space. There were no fireworks, no crowds cheering, no lines at my door waiting for my autograph. I didn’t expect that response, nor do I expect it once this book is released. But perhaps I was not ready for that odd empty feeling, having handed off something I have labored over for so long. Toole expressed similar sentiments in a letter to Robert Gottlieb, when he essentially admits his novel has serious problems, but he was terrified that someone would actually point them out to him.
Perhaps unlike Toole, I welcome my editor’s critique. With some distance I am already starting to rethink some sentences. I am getting more sleep. And I am slowly regaining my taste buds. Last night, for the first time in months, my wife and I enjoyed a lovely dinner. In fact…it was the first time I ever ordered a steak at a restaurant. It was delicious!